Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
