you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
my god I love twenty year old dicks
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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