I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Randomize
