So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
