im six kinds of drunk right now
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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