I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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