Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I lost the right to judge tonight
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
