Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
