just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Randomize
