OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
areolas are like halos for boobs.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
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