I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
