still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
