Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
