I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
