Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
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