Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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