you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
