I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
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