I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Randomize
