we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
