yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
