me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize
