She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Quick, to the slutcave!
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
