in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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