so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Randomize
