im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
if i died would you start the facebook group?
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
