you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
Randomize
