Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
