This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Randomize
