He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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