3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
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