Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
you had me at cake vodka
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
