I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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