you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
