She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
