So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
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