By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
