i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
