Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Come back. Shots need mouths.
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