does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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