porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize