I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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