I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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