it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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