I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
