Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
