shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Your cock deserves a montage
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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