He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
If I die, sorry about rent.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
Randomize
