my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
