he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
