I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
