Porn is love you can see.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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