i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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