Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
