I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Randomize
