Betty ford says i'm here all night
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
third nipple confirmed
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
