Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
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Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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