There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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