I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Man, jail baloney is awful.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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