Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
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