Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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