remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
