I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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